Grateful
I wrote this entry on April 27 on the iPad - that first week postpartum when I was still spending significant hours of the day in bed with Zeke, breastfeeding. Funny to read the first paragraph now - his perfect little head is still perfect, but at least 20% bigger. Praise God that I didn't have to push out this head!
Zeke is 6 days old today. I can hardly believe that a week ago I was in labor! This perfect little head of his was pushing down on my pelvis, making me endlessly uncomfortable. But as I look back, I see - despite the pain and pressure - lots of grace along the way. So today I want to make a list of things I'm thankful for about the birth process.
1) Happening to be at the hospital. We scheduled an ultrasound for just the right day, the right moment. We were at the hospital not too early, but also not too late. This gave me time to labor (in very relative terms) comfort at home and walking around campus.
2) Ryan as my husband, coach, and companion. Ryan was with me the whole time - physically and emotionally. At first when contractions were less intense it was simply fun to be with Ryan - watching a movie, walking around the hospital taking goofy pictures. Then when the pain built up, he was a rock for me. Coaching, encouraging, massaging, bringing me drinks, and giving me kisses at just the right moment. He was so tired from a sleepless night on Thursday (working on school work), but he still got up for me whenever I had a contraction to hold me or apply pressure on my back.
3) A private room. It was a busy night at the hospital and for the first couple of hours after we checked in we were sitting in an examination room with a drawn curtain. It seemed pretty nice to me - we were sharing with just one other couple and I didn't mind it at all (esp compared to HK hospital rooms with a half dozen patients), but the nurses were very apologetic about it, as the aim to have all expectant moms in their labor and delivery rooms, which are all private.
A few hours later, I was very glad for this privacy when contractions got intense. I didn't have to worry about my loud moaning bothering another poor mother trying to sleep (though it might have kept Ryan and Ryan's mom up... but that's what they signed up for ;) ). There was an extra bed, a private shower and toilet. All these were so helpful in keeping us comfortable, as rested as possible, and uninhibited when the going got rough.
4) Cool staff. Not every nurse and doctor was great, but we had one excellent nurse - Laura, and she made all the difference. Ryan said she really reminded us of one of our good friends from college, and I know what he meant by that. Laura was no nonsense - getting things done without fear, but she was also funny and compassionate. Just some examples of her awesomeness:
5) The epidural. After checking into L&D at the hospital at 5 pm on Friday (after 2 nights of early labor when I couldn't sleep for more than 20-minute chunks) I was still intent on trying to give birth without an epidural. Ten tiring hours later, the contractions were painful but still manageable. The most frustrating part was that I had to try to move as little as possible when contractions came along (no leaning over the bed) because the fetal monitor and contraction monitor kept on slipping and losing the signal. (I hope there's a better design in the works! The device seems to completely lose its purpose if small movements disturb it, leading to the woman not being able to get into more conducive positions for labor!). At 3 am Saturday morning, I suddenly became nauseous and Ryan had to run out to get a nurse to fetch me a bucket. As I hurled into the plastic tub, my water broke. I was excited because it seemed like a sign of progress, but when they checked me again I had progressed only 2 cm (I checked in with 4 cm dilation).
I had pushed back against nurses and doctors' suggestions that I receive pitocin and get the epidural up to this point, but I knew I wouldn't be able to push not having slept for over 48 hours. They assured me that it was a very low dose, I could push a button for extra dosage, and that they would start with the pitocin at a very dosage as well.
People have told me that the epidural can be very uncomfortable - side effects including itching and shaking. But for me, it was just bliss. My legs were a bit numb, but I could still move them. I felt pressure in my pelvic region, but the intense pain was gone and I could relax. After sleeping for three hours, I was fully dilated and ready to push. Pushing was hard work but no worse than an intense work out, and only the last few pushes were painful - all thanks to the epidural!
6) Having climbed Cotopaxi on our honeymoon. During one of the last pushes, Ryan said to me "Cotopaxi, Cotopaxi" and the vision of that immense, snow covered volcano in Ecuador propelled to direct all my physical strength to getting that baby's head out.
Because of the epidural, the pushing didn't involve a "ring of fire," but it was still a very focused and physical process that required much willpower. When Ryan mentioned Cotopaxi, the sensations of that trek - how we willed ourselves to put one foot in front of another for 8 hours in the biting cold of that mountain, lips and noses chapped from the wind, heels bleeding from poorly fitting shoes, dead tired and frankly quite miserable - came rushing to me, and I knew it was the same situation - there was no turning back, and I could do it! A contraction later, Zeke was out in the arms of the doctor.
And I must say - meeting Zeke for the first time was a lot more thrilling than getting to the summit of Cotopaxi!
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| Excited for his walk last week |
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Zeke is 6 days old today. I can hardly believe that a week ago I was in labor! This perfect little head of his was pushing down on my pelvis, making me endlessly uncomfortable. But as I look back, I see - despite the pain and pressure - lots of grace along the way. So today I want to make a list of things I'm thankful for about the birth process.
1) Happening to be at the hospital. We scheduled an ultrasound for just the right day, the right moment. We were at the hospital not too early, but also not too late. This gave me time to labor (in very relative terms) comfort at home and walking around campus.
2) Ryan as my husband, coach, and companion. Ryan was with me the whole time - physically and emotionally. At first when contractions were less intense it was simply fun to be with Ryan - watching a movie, walking around the hospital taking goofy pictures. Then when the pain built up, he was a rock for me. Coaching, encouraging, massaging, bringing me drinks, and giving me kisses at just the right moment. He was so tired from a sleepless night on Thursday (working on school work), but he still got up for me whenever I had a contraction to hold me or apply pressure on my back.
3) A private room. It was a busy night at the hospital and for the first couple of hours after we checked in we were sitting in an examination room with a drawn curtain. It seemed pretty nice to me - we were sharing with just one other couple and I didn't mind it at all (esp compared to HK hospital rooms with a half dozen patients), but the nurses were very apologetic about it, as the aim to have all expectant moms in their labor and delivery rooms, which are all private.
A few hours later, I was very glad for this privacy when contractions got intense. I didn't have to worry about my loud moaning bothering another poor mother trying to sleep (though it might have kept Ryan and Ryan's mom up... but that's what they signed up for ;) ). There was an extra bed, a private shower and toilet. All these were so helpful in keeping us comfortable, as rested as possible, and uninhibited when the going got rough.
4) Cool staff. Not every nurse and doctor was great, but we had one excellent nurse - Laura, and she made all the difference. Ryan said she really reminded us of one of our good friends from college, and I know what he meant by that. Laura was no nonsense - getting things done without fear, but she was also funny and compassionate. Just some examples of her awesomeness:
- Before she put an IV into my left arm, she put on a numbing cream. I've heard other women talk about how painful it was to get the IV, and so I'm glad it didn't hurt for me!
- I had written up a birth plan and had hoped to ask for a nurse who supported unmedicated births, but we got checked into L&D so unexpectedly that I forgot about a lot of things - including telling people about my birth preferences or asking for a specific kind of nurse. Fortunately, Laura was very supportive of natural birth!
- I finally asked for an epidural from sheer exhaustion at not having had more than 15 minutes of sleep at a time for over 48 hours. One of the big things that I was bummed about was having to use a catheter. But Laura walked in and told me that she wanted me to try to walk to the bathroom, and if I couldn't do it, to use a bed pan. Amazing lady - helping me avoid the catheter! We had to use the bed pan in the end, but still much more pleasant than a catheter.
5) The epidural. After checking into L&D at the hospital at 5 pm on Friday (after 2 nights of early labor when I couldn't sleep for more than 20-minute chunks) I was still intent on trying to give birth without an epidural. Ten tiring hours later, the contractions were painful but still manageable. The most frustrating part was that I had to try to move as little as possible when contractions came along (no leaning over the bed) because the fetal monitor and contraction monitor kept on slipping and losing the signal. (I hope there's a better design in the works! The device seems to completely lose its purpose if small movements disturb it, leading to the woman not being able to get into more conducive positions for labor!). At 3 am Saturday morning, I suddenly became nauseous and Ryan had to run out to get a nurse to fetch me a bucket. As I hurled into the plastic tub, my water broke. I was excited because it seemed like a sign of progress, but when they checked me again I had progressed only 2 cm (I checked in with 4 cm dilation).
I had pushed back against nurses and doctors' suggestions that I receive pitocin and get the epidural up to this point, but I knew I wouldn't be able to push not having slept for over 48 hours. They assured me that it was a very low dose, I could push a button for extra dosage, and that they would start with the pitocin at a very dosage as well.
People have told me that the epidural can be very uncomfortable - side effects including itching and shaking. But for me, it was just bliss. My legs were a bit numb, but I could still move them. I felt pressure in my pelvic region, but the intense pain was gone and I could relax. After sleeping for three hours, I was fully dilated and ready to push. Pushing was hard work but no worse than an intense work out, and only the last few pushes were painful - all thanks to the epidural!
6) Having climbed Cotopaxi on our honeymoon. During one of the last pushes, Ryan said to me "Cotopaxi, Cotopaxi" and the vision of that immense, snow covered volcano in Ecuador propelled to direct all my physical strength to getting that baby's head out.
Because of the epidural, the pushing didn't involve a "ring of fire," but it was still a very focused and physical process that required much willpower. When Ryan mentioned Cotopaxi, the sensations of that trek - how we willed ourselves to put one foot in front of another for 8 hours in the biting cold of that mountain, lips and noses chapped from the wind, heels bleeding from poorly fitting shoes, dead tired and frankly quite miserable - came rushing to me, and I knew it was the same situation - there was no turning back, and I could do it! A contraction later, Zeke was out in the arms of the doctor.
And I must say - meeting Zeke for the first time was a lot more thrilling than getting to the summit of Cotopaxi!
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