More on enjoying this time

-
36 Weeks (Full term by tomorrow!)

This is my second week of being a housewife but not yet a stay-at-home mom. It suits me surprisingly well to have the quiet to think and reflect. I find myself feeling it it's not so important to freeze a dozen meals and have the "nursery" ready (in fact, it's still more a study than anything), but to take this time to pray and to give thanks. Of course, I may kick myself in a couple of weeks for not having everything perfectly ready... yet right now ticking things off a to-do list doesn't seem right - it seems like reverting to my natural wanting-to-be-in-control ways, an issue that God has been working in my heart all through this pregnancy. Of course it's wise to be prepared, to be informed, but I cannot hope to overcome fears (and how many they are! From labor pain to a lifelong commitment to motherhood!) through being busy, buying stuff, and getting organized.

I have to get to the heart of things, and God has been reminding me - it's Him.

Over and over again He says "don't fear" - not because there won't be trouble or pain or shadows or fire or enemies - but because He is with us, because His grace is sufficient, because He knows us, because we are His.

And when I meditate on this, I find my prayers turning to praise, and my thoughts turning to reasons to be grateful. How much I have missed this in busyness - a to-do list always focuses my mind on what's missing, what's incomplete. Rest and quiet reminds me of His perfection, His completed work on the cross, His overflowing goodness. It reminds me of how very, very much I have been given: an incredibly loving and sacrificial husband whom God brought back safely from Mozambique (and was an incredibly good sport about the maternity shoot, sample pic above), wise and thoughtful and giving parents who give us grace and confidence to enter into parenthood ourselves, and supportive family and friends to give us courage and joy in anticipation.

So yes, I will slip in activities here and there to pamper myself as per the advice of other mothers, to learn as much about motherhood as I can, and to sleep as much as I can. But how good it is that before what will be a colossal transition in life, I can stop and take stock, and place some stones in the Jordan now - stones to remember God's great faithfulness and His unfailing promises through the quiet times and the overwhelming times.

"...you know in your hearts and souls, all of you, that not one word has failed of all the good things that the Lord your God promised concerning you. All have come to pass for you; not one of them has failed." - Joshua 23:14

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Tracking Baby T - Weeks 2 - 17

-
Image
Ryan was known as Mr. T when he taught middle school one summer during college.  After I got married, I was called Mrs. Takasugi by my students for about one month, and then after that it was Mrs. T.  So it's only apt that our as-of-yet unnamed child be called "Baby T" for now. This is a post I've been meaning to put up for a while - a picture-history of the growing baby T. It all started last August, when we were busy saying goodbye in Hong Kong, making as many fun trips with friends and family as possible, eating out a lot, and trying to pack here and there. "2 weeks"  (Don't ask me why in the world when one conceives one is considered "2-weeks pregnant." Beats me, but this is how the doctors count it!)  This is our first "family" picture, taken when Baby T was a mere zygote (or possibly morula?).  We had no idea. We were busy having fun at our junk boat farewell party that church friends had organized for us. Great day
Read more

Heartbreak

-
Image
Zeke at 100 days So I've decided to try out sleep training - namely, being more on a schedule and letting Zeke cry it out for naps and bedtime rather than nursing and rocking him.  It took me a long while to decide to start for many reasons - it seemed too cruel to subject a little baby to it (although this might just be my projecting my feelings), I didn't feel confident yet as a mom, we had people staying with us that I didn't want to keep up, Zeke wasn't giving me lots of clear cues as to his sleepiness etc etc. Anyhow, at 3 1/2 months, I think Zeke has settled into a rhythm, despite my lack of guidance, and he's gaining weight well and more and more happy when he's awake. My little sister just left, and I have two days to myself in the house, so I girded myself and decided to try it tonight. Oh how my heart broke! It was half an hour - just half an hour - but half an hour! I'm not a softie, but I was close to tears as I read Zeke his bedt
Read more

Dear Zane

-
Image
You are four months and one week old today, and I wish we had more time to stop and write in document your growth, the special moments you give us with your looks and smiles and kicks and eyebrow raises. I wish life could move along a little bit more slowly, so that I could soak it in more, in hopes that it would take root more deeply in my memory, so that in the pining days ahead, I could reach back and still taste and see and hear the bundle of joy you are today. We will start sleep training most likely this week, and I wonder how the time has passed by so quickly. In a lot of ways it's because you're more easy-going than your brother and so sleep has not seemed such a hurdle and trauma to you or to your parents. In other ways it's because we've done this once before, and, like a road well-traveled, it seems that the distance is shorter, the progression faster. And of course your brother is growing and changing in ways all his own, and as much as we
Read more