Aching for Life

" For  children are not obligated to save up for their parents, but  parents for their children.     I will most gladly spend and be spent for your souls." - 2 Corinthians 12: 14-15

Peach blossoms at the community garden Every day for the last few weeks, whenever I take walks with Zeke or just look at the cherry tree just outside our back patio, all these thoughts about springtime last year rushes to me. For weeks I've been meaning to write them down, and for weeks I've decided to wait till later, after I'm done writing the literature review for my thesis, after I'm done soaking in my last week at home with Zeke. Well, my birthday has come and gone without me sitting down to write even a basic journal entry (my habit is to do some soul-and-life-stocktaking on March 7 each year), so March 9 2013 is the day I will stop and record some of these things. Blossoming My anemones are blooming! Let's start with that cherry tree. "Oh," I want to tell Zeke - "Oh, if only you could have seen how this tree welcomed your arrival last year!" For a few weeks it was a cloud of white, shedding snowy petals. This winter ha...

This past week was Zeke’s first full week with Jean, our new nanny, shared with another family. And as much as I savored those three hours every day to sit down and focus on writing my thesis or to run errands with both hands free, by the end of the week, I felt this strange unrest – as if something wasn’t fitting quite right. I realized it was because it was such a dramatic reduction of focused, awake, sun-drenched, active hours with Zeke. It was essentially down to just the hours between his waking up and his first nap, because after his second nap, I am usually distracted with preparing dinner. Today is Friday, his stay-at-home day. Ryan took him to lunch and then I got to play with him out in the courtyard after lunch, and then put him down for his afternoon nap in a leisurely way. I’m watching him nap on the monitor right now, his chubby arms folded, his giant head pushed up against a bundle of blankets, his full little legs curled up into a right angle, and my heart is ful...

 Our little baby is not so little anymore (especially his head). Compare the above picture with this one of him at 2 months. When did he become such a giant next to Gund Bear? At 10 months, Zeke... is standing up on his own for up to a minute loves throwing things to the floor from his high chair and looking down for them doesn’t love bananas so much any more has 4 top teeth coming out in addition to the pair he already has on the bottom "waves" when he wants something (stretches out his hand first and then bends his fingers toward the palm) makes "motorcycle hands" when eating (curls his fingers and dips his fists forward and back) is trying to master clapping but his hands misses each other about 50% of the time so he looks like he's vaguely flapping and clapping his wrists turns around 180 degrees when we're eating out a restaurant to look at other people, and then sits that way for half the meal, unabashedly staring loves going “baba...

I continue to venture into unabashedly mushy mom-dom by making valentines on my son's behalf. And I seem to have a higher and higher tolerance for cheesiness. Hallmark has these ads on hulu encouraging people to "tell them" on Valentine's Day - they have people saying what they want to hear from their loved ones, like "You're beautiful," "Let's grow old together," and "In sickness and in health." And despite the contrived presentation, I was moved. Perhaps it's motherhood making my heart all soft and vulnerable, lurching at every sentimental stimulus. Mostly I think it's because this has been a year when we experienced some of these phrases more deeply. We've learned a little bit about being husband and wife in less-than-perfect health. We each had our turn attending to our (somewhat) bedridden spouse the first weeks after I gave birth and after Ryan got his ACL repaired.  And when Ryan told me that I was beau...

We bid farewell to Zeke's zodiac (the dragon) today! Since we sadly miles away from family and since I am not together enough to cook a new year's meal or gather friends together, we had a simple celebration last night with our neighbors in the courtyard - dinner and some performances. Zeke donned his new year's outfit (courtesy of Grandma from Hong Kong) for the festivities. Happy New Year, dear friends! Zeke did NOT want to put on his new outfit, but later on cheered up at the aikido demonstration.

I forgot the Ergo carrier, so Ryan carried a sleeping Zeke for most of the hike This past Thursday we had a chance to head to Santa Cruz for a morning and take a walk by the ocean and enjoy some delicious Italian food. It was so refreshing to get off campus and soak in God's creation for a morning. What a treat that we live so close to the coast and to such gorgeous sights! Cormorants riding the waves Early on in our hike along the coast, we spotted a pod of dolphins!   At another bay, sea lions frolicked in the crashing waves We had lunch at Lilian's, a little Italian restaurant with very warm service. Zeke was impressed by the pasta we had, I swear! (Probably the best gnocchi Ryan and I had ever had.) After lunch, we went to a Brazilian cafe for an acai bowl - acai smoothie topped with granola and fruit. Zeke was a fan, but more so of the waiters and waitresses! He swung around full circle to look at people. ...