Eyes of a child

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This is an entry written last week while I was visiting LA with Zeke.



June 14, 2012

Yesterday I took a walk around the school across the street from Auntie Anna's.  The last times I had done that, I was in college, on break and carefree, or just prior to our wedding, needing a breather from people and planning. How different it was this time. In a way, I still felt alone, because Zeke needed no conversation, and he was quickly falling asleep. Yet of course I wasn't alone. And I felt at once nostalgic and thankful - nostalgic for that quiet freedom that I once constantly had as a single woman, but thankful that God was stretching me beyond that easy independence.

It was the last day of school yesterday, and some kids were still there at school, playing on the slides, swinging wildly on the swing set. A family with young kids was playing baseball, shouting and laughing. I was glad I was there, a witness to the unparalleled atmosphere of freedom and anticipation that is the last day of school, the luxury to linger and not feel trapped, the happy stillness as the school emptied itself of kids and activity and responsibilities.





It made me think about how these days are behind me (well, almost... and you don't quite get that collective joy of being free of structured school days on the last day of school as a grad student), yet lie ahead for Zeke. What will it be like to be a parent at school, rather than a student or a teacher? Will I be mindful of what was hard and be gentle with him? Will I remember what was fun and share those things with him? Will I try to steal moments to be a kid again?

The memories of my childhood priorities and mentality are fading fast, and I want to hold on to them. Sitting here at Auntie Anna's, recalling the kids' books we read here, I suddenly realized that some of the books I had put on the baby registry I had found boring as a kid, and only appreciated as an adult. How easy it is to project oneself and forget to be truly empathetic. Perhaps Zeke will help me see the world through the eyes of a child again!





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